Men in Crocs=No no

Check out Amy's post about men in crocs...

I know we have all seen grown men wearing Crocs and have thought to ourselves “oh no he didn’t!” But this man was so curious about it, he felt the need to write into a “self proclaimed” Dr. Awesome and here was his response:

Dr. Awesome,

Can a man wear crocs or clogs?
Julius Benedict, Los Angeles, CA

Julius,

I’m sure that these crocs must be really comfortable, as there are tons 8th grade girls walking around in them in middle schools across America. That should be your first warning right there…no man should have anything to do with 8th grade girl fashion. A second warning, just because something is comfortable doesn’t mean that it is acceptable for men to wear. Mrs. Awesome thinks there is nothing more comfortable than a fun little summer dress on a warm day, but that doesn’t mean Dr. Awesome wants to go raid her closet when the temperatures start to rise. Comfort and functionality matter, but they don’t trump self-respect.

Regarding the shoes themselves, crocs are made of rubber. Men should not wear anything on their feet that is not made of leather, blue suede, have cleats on them, or are steel toed. Maybe the occasional flip flop if you don’t have hairy gorilla feet and you don’t anticipate having to do roundhouse kicks that day (the shoes keep flying off, believe me, I’ve tried). Suppose you are taking a relaxing stroll in your crocs on your way back from instructing your lion taming class down at the local YMCA. Suddenly you come upon a burning building, and an old woman crying for help. Can you go rescue her? No, your crocs would melt to your skin, and you both would die. A man’s shoes should not be able to be destroyed by a pair of Saf-T-scissors or a Chihuahua. You want shoes that can withstand the worst that nature has to offer…they need to be equally at home in a fire and in a tsunami. Crocs do not fit this bill…they are maybe useful in an aquatic setting, but for what? Keeping pelicans from biting your toes? If you are that worried about birds chomping on your feet, just don’t go to the beach. Regardless, stick with shoes that are functional in every environment known to man.

Even if crocs were functional, they look idiotic. Men’s shoes should only be one of three colors: brownish/tan, black, or white. Crocs are usually fluorescent pink, neon blue, and glowing green. There is never a time when a man’s footwear should be visible in the dark. If the shoes would light up during cosmic bowling at your local alley, they are off limits. Nor should the shoes blend with the color scheme inside your local laser tag arena. Think subdued colors that don’t call attention to your feet. You want the ladies staring at your biceps, not your glow in the dark middle school girl pseudo-sandals.